DOES LONG DISTANCE WORK?

Well, these times call for patience and kindness. And did I mention tolerance? Yeah, a lot of it. Especially for people that we are super close with. Like family, and close friends, and yes... our significant other too. Maybe you are able to live with your partner / lover, but a lot of people don't have that priviledge. And what about the ones that started online in the first place? This blog post will help you answer the age long question:

Can you do long distance?

First of all, yes, long distance can work. A lot of people have an opinion on the fact that it's impossible, but I saw a lot of people around me that makes it work, even when they are in different countries. And if you are in a relationship in this pandemic, there is a big chance you can't see each other too. So the answer to this question may be yes or no. But that's not the question we should ask. The actual important question is : Can long distance work for you? 

First of all, let's check what you want. Do you want something serious? If yes or you are not sure, you can continue. But if the answer is no, well, it would be hard for it to work without physical closeness. Take me for example. I'm not looking for anything serious at the moment, which led me to meet someone without any expectations. This someone was from another country but I talked to him anyway because there was a fix date that we would see each other. But a month passed, and two months, and in the third month period I felt distant. I felt like everything he did was wrong and I hated that we were still two strangers to each other. We couldn't pass the flirting stage because we couldn't see each other. We never developped any feelings for each other, because it never felt real in the first place. (at least for me, it didn't) And by time, all that was left from him for me was his friendship. Maybe there was nothing we did wrong or, or maybe everything we did was wrong. Whatever the case was, because it started online and the only time we could meet was 5 months away, it ended. Yes, I will still see him when he comes, but I doubt that would turn into a relationship.

Well, what went wrong? And what could go wrong for you?

First of all, a relationship starts with attraction. It may still seem like the personality and the looks (if that's important for you of course :)) is all that you need for a relationship, there is something more. There is this type of "aura" that you get from someone when they are around. Maybe his/her energy, or his/her small physical actions attracts you. It makes you want to be next to them. But in a totally online relationship, that is almost impossible. Because you only can picture them. And because it's a human mind, in the first weeks, you picture them perfect. This leads to let downs and fights that wouldn't ever occur if you were with them. 

Second, a relationship can't form online. Yes, nowadays tinder, bumble etc. are pretty popular as online platforms where you can meet someone, but the relationships that actually blossom from them are the ones where they meet in the real world shortly after. I can hear you saying "well Caramel, there are ones that go for years without seeing each other often and thrive!" Yeah, you are right! But I'm not a person that would take a leap of faith like that. If you are, be my guest, go for it! But when logic comes into a relationship, and trust me it comes pretty quickly when you can't move on to the gf/bf stage, the hopes go down.

Well what about the relationships that start physical but turns long distance? Those ones, I have a lot of hope for. Because you actually know each other. That relationship can last for years online. Yeah, lack of physical would be a bummer, but since it wouldn't be the reason you are together in the first place, there is a big chance you go on strong.

Okay, now, let's play the gameee ooof "Can you do long distance???" 

Answer every question with yes/no, and note your answers somewhere.

1- Are you looking for a real relationship?

2- Are you at least a little bit comfortable with the lack of physical relationship?

3- Can you trust someone when the only information about them is from them?

4- Will you be able to manage your time for your significant other? (videochats, calls, texts)

5- (If it started online) Will you be okay with the relationship's lack of officiality?

(If it started physical) Are you confident that you can manage the relationship's ups and downs?

If any of the answers is no for you, well you may not be that sure that you can do it. The best way to find out is to try. But if you have 2 or more no's, there is a big chance that it won't work. And that is not a problem. To be honest, distance is one of the bigger problems in a relationship and everyone may not be suitable for that.

If you said yes with confidence to every question, well congratulations, you probably are in the 0,0001% of the population. More power to you girl or boy, or non-binary friend! Take that leap of faith, and you know what, make it work!

P.S.: Please note that all of these are just my opinion, and every relationship is different. And if you have any stories like that, feel free to share them below in the comments!

And also note that you don't need a relationship. That's something that should be there only because you want it, not because you need it or think that you should because everyone around you has it. And don't be afraid to try and fail, some relationships are there to help us navigate what we actually want from life. AND HAVE FUN!

If you have any more suggestions for my next post or things you want to learn about the topics I cover, let me know! Write me from here or dm me from my insta: @lattecaramelblog . I would love to write about them! :)

xoxo